Though I love to write to you, do you know that sometimes I don’t feel qualified to write at all? It’s true. It’s a lie I battle every time my fingers hit the keyboard.
“You don’t know what you are talking about, “ comes the evil hiss, “You’ve never been to a seminary school, you’ve never written a book, you don’t even like grammar so what makes you think you are worthy enough to write? You are boring. You write too much. Nobody reads your posts anyway so why bother?”
Sometimes, these thoughts feel like my own and it is hard to distinguish the lie from the truth.
But a couple weeks ago, I decided to reach out and ask for help. I was tired of fighting this battle alone.
I wrote on the Facebook page of my sisters at Peony Project and was vulnerable. I told them sometimes it takes me weeks, months, to finish a post because I’m constantly revising it, trying to make it better, make it worthy and yet, I know God has called me to write.
I’ve never shared this particular struggle with strangers so this was definitely a leap of faith for me. But the encouragement they gave, the love they shared, and the fact they understood my battle was like chains broke inside me and for the first time, I felt writing was no longer going to be an upward climb, but a slippery slide that Jesus and I were going to ride on.
That night I decided to finally push Publish on the post “Thou Shalt Rest”. That post is my miracle.
With that being said, this week Jesus revealed to me the most amazing bible verses that I am so excited to share with you.
When I was away on my mission trip earlier this year, my roommate and I decided to do a bible plan that would take us chronologically through the bible in 90 days. It was such a great journey! I felt like I was in a movie, watching scene-by-scene play before me, and feeling as though I was right there within the plot. It was a lot of reading, maybe an hour each day, but it helped me to relive the bible in a way I hadn’t before.
Then I came to the New Testament, and I couldn’t continue in the same way. It was too close to home, I had to stop at every chapter and just ponder the words of Jesus. Sometimes I could only make it through a few verses until I closed the book and let His words wash over me.
So that is where I’m at Princesses. I’ve finally made it to 1 Corinthians. I started in the New Testament back in March, and amusingly have not made it very far, to the outside world, but inside I feel like I’ve walked miles. There is so much in the bible I did not know about.
Anyway, let me get to sharing with you what I learned this week.
Like I said, I’ve just begun 1 Corinthians and in the story, Paul has left the church in Corinth and is writing this letter to them. He begins with his usually greeting, and moves onto thanking God for them and then corrects them about their beliefs in leadership, but then he moves onto this speech about power and wisdom.
1 Corinthians 7:1
“For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.”
Woah. Wait a second. God didn’t send him to preach in a way that was convincing to people? He didn’t give him the perfect words, and the right way to say things so people would believe? And if he did, he believed the message would become powerless?
Oh my word.
Why have I then been so concerned with writing with eloquence and wisdom, when Paul refused to preach in such a way? Let me share another verse.
1 Corinthains 1:26-29
“Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.”
For so long I believed I had to write in a way that was cool and catchy because that is how people will listen. Otherwise, I’ve failed God. If I couldn’t get anyone to read what I wrote, what was the point? I wanted it, no I needed it to be good enough for God and people.
But as I read these words from Paul, I realize that me trying to be so good and careful in my writing, took away from me giving God the glory. The more I worked on a post, the more it became something I created and not something He gave to me, even though it originally began that way.
Paul says, God chooses the foolish things, the weak things, the lowly and despised things because in them He is glorified because we cannot boast in ourselves. God convicted me in such a lovingly way as I read this week.
Daughter, just write. Don’t worry about trying to make it perfect. Just share what I teach you. Just talk to them about me, about us, and how I can be with my children. Don’t be afraid. I’m with you and will write through you.
Needless to say, I’ve been pruned once again by my Maker. Like it says in John 15:2 & 5, “Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit… I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
Today I come to you Princesses asking for your forgiveness. For the times I did not share the raw words God gave to me. For the times I didn’t post a post because I was scared. For the times I looked at the approval of others above the approval of God. For the times I didn’t touch my keyboard, for fear of getting the words wrong.
For all the times you waited and I hid, I am truly very sorry.
But I am committed to not letting lies get between us anymore. I want every beautiful word God gives me to be shared, even if I think I write a lot, or if I don’t think it makes sense or flows right, I will post it. I will hit the button no matter what because it’s not about me.
This whole blog was intended for God and you. I’m only the middle man, getting messages from Him to you. It’s taken me years to really see this, but now that I do, I hope God will continue to give me strength and courage so I never return to where I’ve come from and so you don’t miss anything God wants to say to you.
I thank God for sisterhood, for friendship, for hidden treasures found in the bible. He is such a good Father to give us such gifts of joy on this earth.
Jesus, this one is for you! Because you loved, and because you cared, here I am writing a post that I refuse to edit and revise. Thank you for your grace God. Thank you for giving me a second chance. And giving all of us a second chance. We want to follow you God, wherever that may lead us. Help us always to do that, Papa. Help us not to be afraid or let lies keep us from our destiny. You are faithful, worthy of all praise, and we love you.
God is good, Princesses.
He is so very good.
p.s. I’m serious… I have not edited this post at all, or rephrased anything. I just woke-up at 6 am and wrote and wrote and wrote. That’s so crazy to me right now! I’ve never done this before (*nervous laugh inserted here*), but I think this was so fun and I want to do this again. This is going to be my way to stand up against the enemy. Words are my weapon. And I’m hitting PUBLISH. Oh yeah! Boom. :)