This blog was always meant to be a place where I could encourage you. A place where I could teach you what God has taught me. A place to remind you of your identity in Christ, for the days you may forget who you are.
I was not prepared for the days when I would forget who I am. When I would struggle to find words to encourage you, because I could barely encourage myself. When I thought I could not teach you, because I was still being taught.
I was also not prepared for God to turn this space to write to you, into a place from where He would meet and speak to me.
For months, I struggled with feeling like a failure; not only to you, but to myself, to God, my boyfriend, parents, etc. Pleasing people was my priority, until God came and did something extraordinary. He taught me to focus on Him and His delight in me.
I struggled with shyness and standing up for myself. God taught me about bravery.
I heard the words of others louder than His voice. God taught me about listening.
Once again, I have been facing another battle. My thoughts say I should stop writing to you until I am more “perfect”, more “experienced”, more “gifted”. The enemy has been telling me I am not good enough to write, to be in a relationship, to pursue music, to work as a web designer… just everything. I felt discouraged to even talk to you about being strong in God, when I was a mess myself. Yet, God reminded me of the past, of the place where I have always grown from.
The journey always began in a place of surrender, from a heart of brokenness, looking into the eyes of my Savior.
I am learning God is constantly welcoming us to bring our brokenness to His feet because He desires to mend us, mold us, and create something beautiful from our mess. All flowers grow from the dirt, right?
Today, I want to share what God has been teaching me because maybe I am not the only one who feels discouraged about not being perfect. My heart may be a bit rusty and cracked, but God is still speaking and reminding me of truth and I have come to realize this is the very reason the enemy doesn’t want me talking to you, because His truth leads, not only me, but you to freedom. So keep reading!
Here is What I Am Learning
Ecclesiastes 3:11 (ESV)
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
God brought me to this verse a few days ago, and when I read it, I noticed it was in past tense. He HAS made. He did it before. This means, He can do it now and do it in the future. He will make everything beautiful in its time.
He will make everything, He will make me and you, beautiful in its time.
He will make everything, He will make our circumstances, beautiful in its time.
He will make everything, He will make our relationships, beautiful in its time.
He will make everything, He will make our families, beautiful in its time.
He will make our lives beautiful, but it is a process.
Right now, I am learning to embrace the process and not rush it. He is making us beautiful, but in HIS time. I wish I could love people as great as God does every day, never get frustrated or hurt, and always have the patience to endure every hardship. Unfortunately, I’m too human for that, but God is good. He doesn’t rush His process because of our complaints. He knows His timing is perfect.
Sometimes, it can be so uncomfortable! As He opens the closet door to our heart, a lot of junk falls out. We have to get rid of things, clean away the filth, so He can prepare it for treasures He wants to store there (Ezekiel 11:19-20). Lately, I have been trying to convince myself and God that I am doing great, but if I have been struggling with my self-worth, perhaps not! Lying to God and myself only prevents me from receiving His gift of love and grace sooner.
He needs my honesty.
He needs my vulnerability.
He needs me to let Him into my mess.
How can God create a beautiful masterpiece within me, if I am telling Him there is no clay to work with?
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a butterfly. – Richard Bach
When I finally admitted I need Him, He came with furious love and revealed His truth to me. I am being made beautiful as He works daily within me. I will not always make the right choices. I will not always say the right things. But if I allow Him, He will teach me His ways, show me what real love is, and remind me who I am in Him.
God sees perfection, not in having your life together, but in letting your life fall apart at His feet.
Princesses, the purpose of this blog has not changed. I am still here to teach you what God has taught me, but I am understanding now the beauty in allowing you to walk with me in the journey. This is what I am learning and I hope you will learn with me to let go, surrender, and let God do what He does best. He is faithful and so worthy of our trust in Him but He is a gentleman, and will not intrude if we do not let Him in. Yet, when has He ever failed? When has He ever not been good? I can not think of a time. Let us believe if He made all things beautiful then, He will make everything beautiful again.
A Prayer, For the Both of Us
Papa, thank you for creating us. Thank you for never leaving us to deal with our lives alone. I ask you to give us peace and patience while you work in our hearts and transform our minds. Help us to trust you. We want to be more like you Jesus. I personally ask for your forgiveness for withholding any part of myself from you. Come, Holy Spirit, and make our lives beautiful. In Jesus’ name, amen.
With love,
Katya
Philippeans 1:6 (NLT)
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.