It’s not often that I find myself thinking, “Hm. I could either be really kind right now, or really rude”. Kindness vs. Rudeness isn’t so much a situational thing as it is an everyday lifestyle thing. That is what I think can make it so easy to gradually slip out of an attitude of kindness towards the people we love and into a lifestyle of letting our annoyance take over and dominate our words and actions. Daily stuff – long term stuff – is always harder than situational stuff.
I was really fortunate to get a great piece of advice at the start of my relationship with Chris that has really changed the way I operate in all of this. A wonderful woman at my church, whose marriage I really admire, told me to always “make much of his strengths and put the rest in God’s hands”. She explained that she doesn’t even like to say “and make little of the rest”, because that implies still dwelling on the other person’s shortcomings – just not as much. No, she suggested calling out the things I love and admire about my fiancé, and completely handing everything else to God.
Princesses, what do you love about the people in your life? What about them makes you happy? It can be big and deep or subtle and lighthearted. “I love the way you serve God so passionately, with your whole heart”. “I love the way you watch ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ with me even though you hate it a little bit”. ;) Fill your conversations with these things. Get creative, and get proactive. Be on the lookout for things that you love in people. Be ready to tell them so. You’ll be amazed at the way people soften under words of genuine love. Seriously.
And this whole “Love is not rude” business – well let’s just be honest with ourselves and admit that the root of that is dissatisfaction. When we’re annoyed with someone, when we think they should be doing something differently – we can get rude. We can get controlling. We can try to manipulate that person into being what we want. (And when I say “we”, I mostly mean “I”. But saying “we” makes me feel better about myself, so just do me a solid on this one, if you don’t mind.)
And truly, if you’re dissatisfied, you probably want to take a pause and check your heart. What are your expectations for that person? Are they rooted in a desire to see them flourish for their own good or for your own good? And, here’s the kicker: do you trust that God loves them more than you love them and that He is doing a far better job of convicting them than your rude comments are doing? (Like I said, this is as much for me as it is you. Hashtag toughlove, am I right?).
Love is a choice. It’s a choice to daily seek out and speak to the things I love about my fiancé. It’s a choice to bring my desires and frustrations to God instead of letting them prompt me to make rude little jabs at him. It all comes back to seeing the ones we love through His eyes. Through the eyes of a Savior who died just so He could have a chance to win their heart. Let me tell you, sweetpeas, it’s hard not to love someone when you spend a while considering them the way God does. The people in our lives are precious, being renewed day by day. Celebrate their awesomeness! I promise there is a lot there to make much of :)
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